What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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