Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think i have two assholes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
