Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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