this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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