while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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