we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
