Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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