Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
