I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
