The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
