i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
