i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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