I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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