Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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