Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
