to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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