he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
