where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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