I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize