i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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