In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
