Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
