just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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