I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
