Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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