Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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