Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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