I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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