watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize