from now on my penis is your penis
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
