I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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