I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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