my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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