Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They took my balls.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
