also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
