i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
