Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
