She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
