Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
