I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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