I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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