i don't like sucking hair
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
