I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
