I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
