is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
