I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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