Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
