You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
