Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
