This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
