Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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