If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Are we still banned from the library?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
