she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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