What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
