Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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