i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
