Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
