break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
