And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
