I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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