There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
