Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You left your phone here
Wait...
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